Jokes

The Promised Punchlines!

What do you get when you cross a parrot & a centipede?

A walkie-talkie.

What did one hat say to the other?

 You wait here. I’ll go on a head.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?

Frostbite.

Why can't a bike stand on its own?

Because it is two tired.

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

What do you call dangerous precipitation?

A rain of terror.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What do sea monsters eat for dinner?

Fish and ships.

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